Divorce and Children – Avoiding Divorce Problems
Children go through a range of emotions once they learn their parents are getting a divorce. This can end up with children blaming themselves in some way for the divorce. They’ll remember each of the times their parents had a disagreement over them and feel it is their own fault.
None of these conditions are suitable for children and there’s little doubt suffering through all this will leave indelible psychological scars from this extremely unhappy period of their life.
Should you stay together for the childrens sake?
The fact is, many couples decide not to get a divorce no matter what simply for the benefit of their children. They want to break free and to start a new life but they don’t. Years later, they may regret doing this and realise that staying in the marriage for their children’s sake was a big mistake for all concerned. They certainly weren’t happy and chances are everyone in the household was suffering because of what was going on emotionally.
Divorce and children – the effects
What is happening to so many children living with parents in an unhappy marriage right now has to be addressed. These children are seriously affected by all the abuse they see, whether it be verbal, emotional or the worst of all, physical abuse. In many cases, the children will see controlling behaviours such as affection or money being withheld for one spouse to exert control over the other.
It is the emotional state of children that very often keeps people in a marriage when they want out though. They have heard all the horror stories about children with trust issues and relationship issues because of their parents being divorced. In many cases it wasn’t their parents getting divorced that created the problems but something else. The fact is, it often because of what happened before, during, and after the divorce.
Look, children are not stupid. It is inevitable they will sense all the tension that is there between you and your spouse. They are going to be right there in the middle of things if there is still a lot of unresolved conflict going on. It can be very unhealthy for them to see such issues taking place.
The things that generally cause the biggest problems are seeing all the negative things that happen before the actual divorce. Seeing your parents call each other nasty names or throwing stuff around and fighting aren’t the sort of things that a child is likely to forget. Obviously there are bound to be many difficult issues when going through a divorce but the main thing is do everything you can stop your children from seeing them.
Messy divorces where each spouse is blaming the other and getting the children in the middle of it aren’t going to benefit anyone at all. Whenever you say nasty things about your ex in front of your children you simply cause them more hurt. When all is said and done, that person is still their parent and still someone they probably love and respect.
Talk about the divorce to your children
Be certain that you take the time to speak to your children about what they feel about the divorce. It is very important for parents to encourage their children to talk openly about how the divorce is affecting them. Too many children hide what they truly feel as they don’t want to make things more difficult for the parents. They know you are under emotional stress and they don’t want to make things worse. Children can be a lot wiser and compassionate than you realise.
If you take the right approach you can go through a divorce and still have a decent relationship with your children afterwards. Make sure that they know they can come to either parent whenever they have any problems. As long as you reassure them that everything is going to be fine and make them feel loved and safe you should get through your divorce without your children, or you, suffering from future problems.