Spouses who don’t talk to each other much is a sign of a marriage in trouble because no marriage stands a chance without efficient communication. In order to communicate effectively in a marriage or relationship you need to say to yourself; what is it that I am trying to say? Are you simply trying to be understood, to get what you want or do you have some other purpose behind the words that you are saying?

A great deal of communication is physical by way of actions and body language and only a small part of our communication takes place in words, which we say and listen to all day. Although we may believe that someone is really listening to and understanding what we are saying, the fact is this is very often not the case.

When it is us doing the talking, the person we are talking to is usually thinking what they are going to say back or creating some kind of mental image, which might be completely different to what you actually said to them. We all have our own mental frames of reference, which can alter the message which we are listening to. We are desperately trying to make ourselves understood by the other person, with words going back and forth like arrows but most of them are just missing the target.

Do Not Play the Blame Game

In an argument, many married couples only want to prove that they are in the right and their partner is wrong. Bringing up the others personal shortcomings and using spiteful words and blame as a weapon against them will make the other person feel inadequate. They won’t hear the real message behind the words, just the anger and self-righteousness. To stop this, agree to stop blaming one another and give each other a proper chance to speak and be heard. You have to come to a mutual understanding, not prove you are completely right and the other is completely wrong

Learn To Listen Effectively

Marital communication is not simply about spouses talking to each other but also listening to and hearing what is being said.

To really hear what someone is saying you have to try to forget your own point of view and allow yourself to feel what the other person is trying to say. If someone wants you to listen to what they have to say don’t talk, just do what they are asking you to do…listen. They may not want your feedback just someone to hear and understand what they are feeling.

Some people appear to be listening but are only really engaged in their own thoughts. To overcome this, repeat to them what you think they just said so that they know that what they are saying is getting through to you. If you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn, and they will listen to you.

Real Listening

Listening, real listening is what many married couples fail to do. Real listening is done not just with the ears but with all of our consciousness. It is being tolerant of something you may not want to hear. It is opening your mind up to other points of view and realities. Real listening lets your partner know that you respect their thoughts and that you really care for them.